Affections and the Axe - Part Two

Reunions and the Guest

The engagement ball for Abigail and James was far more eventful than anticipated, which was saying something considering the already vast anticipation. With the evening concluded, the guests well fed and rested, it was time for folks near and far to make their way back to their own homesteads, if they had not already. With several farewells and promises for return, William and Lydia made way for her family home.

After a brief stay with the Ashers, William would have to travel to his townhouse in the city to check on his business affairs, but he did not know how long he would need to stay there. He would write to James when to expect him for their hunt as soon as he knew. This was all fine with James, as Edward gave him an extended leave from the apprenticeship so he could partake in the wedding planning. William also mentioned that Lydia should join his return to the Westerly house, so that she and Abigail might keep each other company while their men go off to hunt. She politely agreed, though neither she nor Abigail expressed initial excitement at the prospect of spending more time together.

William and Lydia returned to the Asher residence on a day most brightened by sunshine. Though not as grand of a house as the Westerly’s, it sat on a far larger property with many well-kept gardens and woods. The sunshine made the sprawling greenery glisten with extra extravagance on this day, which was most pleasing to the returning unromantic couple.

The Asher family employed more groundskeepers than housekeepers, more gardeners than cooks. Lydia loved to take walks all throughout the gardens of her family home, so William was not surprised when the first thing she wanted to do after their journey was stretch her legs about the property. William went inside to check his correspondence and close his eyes, while Lydia went on her walk. When she was sure she was alone, she took one of the back pathways to a shed of one of the gardeners, a man named Benjamin.

“Hello, good Benjamin,” Lydia spoke sweetly as the gardener looked far left and right outside of the small structure he called home.

“Hello, Miss Asher,” Benjamin spoke politely. “What a fine day it is now you’re back on the property. If you care to come inside, I can prepare some tea while I show you my plans for the rose garden.”

“Of course, the rose garden. Thank you for the invitation.” Lydia followed Benjamin back into the shed. It was a humble, one-room building that had space for his bed, a table with chairs, and a wood-burning stove. Instead of preparing tea, Benjamin opened a bottle of wine. Instead of sitting at the table, Lydia sat on Benjamin’s bed.

“How was he?” asked Benjamin.

“Indifferent as ever,” Lydia replied, speaking of William. “He spoke more to the others than to me. Though, I mustn’t be surprised, how highly he spoke of them before the event. That Abigail of his, goodness, he was quick to defend her. Oh my, did you hear about the skirmish?”

“Indeed, I did! Word made way back to the property before your return. Was it exciting?”

“There was no excitement, only discomfort for us all around it. I still cannot believe Arthur Bennett believed it to be a wise idea. As if his family was not rejected enough, I dare say they will never recover from his reputation. And for shame, I still cannot believe William did what he did. Yet with no consequences to suffer! Oh well, when the moment passed, it was a pleasant enough evening.”

“Well that is good. William was pleasant too after it all?”

“No less pleasant than usual,” Lydia chuckled as Benjamin handed her a glass of wine. “But he did say something to me that has been on my mind. It may regard… You and I. Our arrangement.” Benjamin stood still as he looked down to Lydia, his face pale with worry.

“What did he say?” asked Benjamin.

“We talked about his actions in defense of Abigail, and when I questioned whether he would defend my honor in the same way, he insinuated whether or not he would be the one questioning my honor in that moment.”

“What exactly did he say?”

“Oh, I cannot recall his exact phrase, Benjamin, but his meaning was clear. He implied that if my honor were to be questioned, it would likely be from him. Meaning that he is already questioning my honor. What nerve,” she concluded as she took a sip of wine on Benjamin’s bed, while he sat down next to her. He contemplated what she had just said to him, and he got back up and walked to his table so he could pour wine for himself.

“It must have only been a statement on your lack of a bond together,” Benjamin began as he filled his cup. “If William knew of our relations, he would not hesitate to take action. That is how he is: In business, in sport, even in the skirmish at the ball, you saw! He would not let a moment pass if he truly knew. I would be dead, and you would not be engaged.” Benjamin took a big sip of wine, quickly refilled the glass, and walked back toward the bed. “Though, were it not for my own death, I would be delighted to see your engagement come to an end.”

“How I missed you, dear Benjamin,” Lydia spoke as she reached out to grab his hand, pulling him towards the bed. They put aside their worries, put aside their wine, and embraced with a kiss. They laid to bed together, delighted to be reunited. The two of them had shared years of such memories in this very shed as well as other secluded corners of the property. Theirs was an affair kept secret from anyone else on the property.

Their moment of intimacy heated up and cooled down, and the two laid arm in arm in bed together. Lydia told Benjamin gladly that William had plans to travel to the city, so they would have plenty of time with one less person to hide their forbidden romance from. Truly, he was the only person they were worried about hiding it from anymore.

After a few days, William left for the city as planned, and Lydia felt relief to be free from him. When Benjamin’s work was done, and when Lydia’s family was occupied, the two would hide away in one of their many nests of the property where they could share intimate moments. Lydia did not necessarily love Benjamin as much as she loved the excitement of the whole affair. The excitement, as well as the independence she felt it granted her. Independence which was not otherwise granted in her life.

Whereas Abigail’s parents allowed their daughter the chance to withdraw consent to any engagement, Lydia’s parents offered her little, if any, choice in the matter. They made it clear her entire life that they would have final say of who she would marry, and never was true love mentioned in their decision process. The only freedom she felt was riding horseback or strolling in the gardens, and even that had its limits.

Extended time in the gardens eventually led to extended time near Benjamin. So, the affair began in a state of rebellion: Lydia wished to be with a man by her own volition, regardless of the wishes of her parents. But it quickly grew into a passionate relationship, with sneaky arrangements to keep it alive.

When William and Lydia were introduced, Benjamin was more heartbroken than she was. She knew this would one day happen, but Benjamin believed in his heart there was a chance they could one day be married. He truly loved Lydia, and though she had strong affections for Benjamin, she was more in love with the freedom she felt when she was with him. Part of her hoped that she might have a loving relationship with her husband-to-be, even if it was not a marriage she would have chosen, but what mattered most to William was his business, and he did not keep those ambitions secret. So, she grew content to get her love from Benjamin, while William got what he wanted out of the marriage: The Asher estate.

A few weeks passed by quickly, and William returned to Lydia. He wrote to Abigail and James, and after a few weeks more, they returned to the Westerlys. They packed enough to stay longer than their one-day visit for the ball, and William was happy to spend some time where he grew up, after so many years away. It felt like home, because it was home. After all this time he still never felt that with the Ashers or at his townhouse in the city.

Upon their arrival, William and Lydia enjoyed a day of rest and relaxation with the Westerly family. Many happy greetings were shared, as well as one awkward greeting between Abigail and Lydia. A small feast was prepared, card games were played, and the guests retired to their bedrooms early after some exhaustion from travel. The next day, Franklin invited both William and James into his private office to discuss business.

Franklin had already been fully repaid with interest for his initial investment in William’s abundantly successful venture, but he now wished to invest again to support the further growth of the business. He was glad to support William, though selfishly, he was also glad to enjoy more profits. He asked James to attend to voice his opinions on the matter, as Edward had trained him well. They spent most of a day discussing William’s business, and what he could do with a larger investment. Franklin was impressed hearing from both of the young men in the room, and often found himself stepping back from the conversation with nothing to contribute that they had not already claimed.

While all of this happened, Ellen invited Lydia to join her and Abigail for a walk about the property. Lydia had many questions about the gardens, and she had real interest in the work of the gardeners; one can imagine why. In their conversations, Ellen realized that she grew up rather closely with Lydia’s mother, and she felt embarrassed that she did not realize it sooner. While Ellen shared stories with Lydia, Abigail quietly observed how differently Lydia was behaving now than at the ball. She was more engaged in the conversation, more eager to ask Ellen questions, and showed a warmth that Abigail didn’t think could be there. And despite the reputation of the Asher family gardens, not once did Lydia speak down on the Westerly gardens, and only showed a true appreciation and curiosity.

Abigail was confused, so she contemplated several theories to herself while Ellen and Lydia continued to speak uninterrupted. Perhaps Lydia was shy at first, and slow to warm up to new company. Though, that did not make sense, since Lydia never shied from any other conversation, it was only now a difference in tone. There was also a chance that Lydia was happier after spending some time at her home. But this too could not be, as she had now spent more time away from home than she did for the night of the ball, even if only a half day longer. Other ideas came and went from Abigail’s mind, though she settled on this: Lydia simply did not like her.

This was confusing and hurtful for Abigail to accept, as she worried what William might have said to Lydia to cause such distaste. The two grew up so close together, and William had been nothing but warm since their reunion at the ball. She wondered what William could have told Lydia to make her opinion so sour. Was there some story from their youth that Lydia disliked? Did William behave unlike himself, and lie to his betrothed? Or maybe it was simple jealousy that caused a sour opinion. This made sense if William could only say sweet things about another woman.

Abigail’s quiet thoughts were interrupted by a question from her mother, and she was drawn into the conversation. Unsurprisingly, Lydia had little to say in response when Abigail spoke. But soon, the ladies returned to the house to see if their gentlemen were finished, as Ellen teased that they were probably secretly playing cards and drinking whiskey all day.

Though they had discussed business, the ladies returned at the right time to see their men drinking and laughing. They had settled on an agreement, wrote a plan for the money invested, and William offered to employ James to write and file any documentation needed for the agreement. After business dealings were done, all William and James could talk about was the hunt. Through their ever-emptying glasses, the hunt was all they could discuss for the whole evening.

They invited Franklin, who politely declined as their plans sounded more strenuous than he would prefer. The younger men planned a far hike, several overnight encampments, and carrying their supplies on their own backs rather than bringing along laborers and trackers, which Franklin would have preferred. They would be away for several days, and they were very excited to leave behind their professional worries and be one with nature. Though Abigail felt happy for the two of them, she was also apprehensive for all the alone time she would spend with Lydia. Lydia, on the other hand, felt the same relief as the last time she knew William would be away. Although part of her did feel some guilt that she felt this way, the guilt did not outweigh the relief.

Morning came, and William and James set off for the hunt. Though Franklin was the one who had to decline the invitation, he felt quite left out from the trip, and he announced his plans to spend the day fishing. Ellen had correspondence with friends to catch up on, so that left Abigail and Lydia in each other’s company. Abigail remembered when William introduced them and tried to connect them on common ground, so she invited Lydia out horseback riding for the day. She thought it would be a good way for them to get to know one another better since they would not need to force any conversation, they could simply horse around, no pun intended.

For most of that first day, they had their first bit of fun together with little to no awkwardness. True, that was largely due to the fact that the only conversation they had to hold was choosing a route to take or commenting on the speed of their steeds, but it made Abigail feel better about their situation. Lydia too felt more comfortable in the moment, and this was a great relief to her since she would be spending several days with Abigail. The ladies were far from the house, and they dismounted their horses to take a rest.

“If there existed a better way to spend an afternoon,” Lydia said as she spread out a blanket onto the fluffy looking grass, “I dare not think we would deserve it.”

“There truly is nothing so fun,” replied Abigail. “I have been riding these grounds for my whole life, and I shall never grow tired of this.” Abigail finished feeding a snack to the horses and walked over to the blanket to sit down next to Lydia. “Of course, the Asher gardens are of legend, but how are your grounds for riding?”

“Our property has less open field as you have here, however we are near to many meadows and trails to make a day of. One of my favorites is a small apple orchard only two miles from our homestead, the owner of which was always kind to let me ride through part of it. When I was young, I would let my horse sneak some apples when no one else was around.”

“Oh I’m sure your horse deserved a good treat,” Abigail said with a smile. “That does sound marvelous, I might like to try that route should James and I ever come for a visit.”

“Of course,” Lydia said politely, though she was uncomfortable at the thought of Abigail being so close to her home for too long. Lydia changed the subject to discuss the weather, while both ladies unpacked a small basket of food and wine to enjoy before they began riding again. They continued to discuss their ride as they ate, drank, and rested; though the rest felt more like an excuse for the eating and drinking.

“Do tell me, how far from the hunting grounds are we from here?” Lydia asked.

“The woods they are planning to be at are a few miles that way,” Abigail pointed in one direction past Lydia, “if we were to ride from here it would not take terribly long to find them, were we to try sneaking up on them.”

“Now, Abigail, let us enjoy some moments as bachelorettes before we grow old and beg for alone time from our husbands.” They laughed, though Abigail did take note of such a comment. “Besides,” Lydia continued, “how devastated they would be to mistake us for beasts and shoot at us!” Abigail gasped with laughter.

“Heaven forbid, Lydia, they would never!”

“Well, if marriage makes them anything like my father, perhaps years gone by will change their aim.” Both ladies laughed at this, and Abigail enjoyed seeing some humor come from Lydia. “Though your mother is wonderful, and I cannot imagine your father being annoyed with her,” Lydia said after their laughter ceased.

“Oh, they have their moments, but surely most marriages do. Though I am quite lucky seeing their happy marriage. I can only hope you and I experience the same happiness once we are wed.”

“I can only hope as well,” Lydia said as she looked off in the distance, quiet for a moment. Abigail did not wish to pry, but it was impossible to miss the discomfort on display.

“William is a good man,” Abigail broke the silence. “I am quite sure that any woman would be lucky to marry him.” Lydia gave Abigail a bit of a side eye at this, which Abigail answered only with a friendly smile.

“You’re right, William is a good man,” Lydia took a deep breath and looked away again. She then looked back at Abigail with a smile of her own. “And James, he seems wonderful indeed. You will be a most lucky bride with a man so friendly and smart as he.”

“I love him dearly, I know how blessed I am.” When Abigail said this, a silence broke between them that she could physically feel. Abigail dared not ask more, as she did not want to cause offense, but she knew that Lydia’s engagement was not one of love. She wished she could express some empathy, however she could not do this without causing some offense to both Lydia and William. The moment of silence carried on for a moment more, as the food and wine had been all but finished off.

“Perhaps we should begin riding back soon,” Lydia said. “What do you think?”

“Perhaps you are right, let us go then.” Abigail and Lydia stood up and left behind the now-flattened grass that they had sat on for a little while. As they folded up their picnic blanket, Abigail felt like a blanket of awkwardness had covered their day, and she wished they never began speaking about William or James. For a moment, the two were being friendly, even laughing together. Regrettably, both the moment and the laughter were both over now.

Abigail and Lydia returned to enjoy a well-earned lunch, now that the rest of their ride made them forget their break-time snack. Ellen was outside waiting for them, and she mentioned how she wrote a long overdue letter to Lydia’s mother. This reminded Lydia of a letter she meant to write as well. She said that, after lunch, she would excuse herself to go and write it. The ladies enjoyed their meal together outside, as Franklin was still away fishing, and would likely be enjoying a lunch of whatever he was able to catch from the stream.

Lunch was finished, and Lydia went off to the guest room. Abigail sat with her mother outside, thinking about the ride with Lydia and how the discomfort between them had resumed. A little bit of silence passed, and Ellen asked about Lydia. Abigail tried to be as polite as possible about their guest.

After a while, Lydia returned, and she walked around with a brightness that Abigail could not believe she was seeing. Lydia was light on her feet, swaying when she turned, and wore a gentle smile that would not wipe away. Ellen and Abigail were still sitting right where Lydia had left them, and she brightly greeted them which came as a surprise even to Ellen.

“It is such a delight to see you so happy, my dear!” said Ellen. “You are brightening the whole homestead.”

“Oh why thank you,” Lydia said with a smile. “It is hard not to be so happy spending time in the home you have made, Ellen. So elegant, while still so comfortable. You must be so proud of this estate.” Lydia spoke so warmly that Abigail hardly recognized the woman before her.

“You are far too kind,” said Ellen. “And I hope your room especially is suitable for you. I chose to give you the nicer one than William,” Ellen chuckled, “after all, William was always happiest to stay in the room he grew up in. Any guest suite we offer him would fall short regardless of grandeur!”

“How I might have liked to see him in his childhood, though in some ways the boy never grows up all the way,” Lydia giggled. Ellen thought this was affectionate, though Abigail thought it was at William’s expense. “But yes, my suite is quite lovely and comfortable, and I do love the view overlooking the grounds.”

“I am most glad to hear it.”

“Normally that is the suite James would take,” Abigail spoke, “however Mother insisted that you should have it for this stay.”

“Well I hope I did not evict your beloved!” Lydia was apologetic, though Abigail expected more defensiveness. In fact, she was disappointed that Lydia was so gracious.

“Nonsense, he was happy for you to have it. Besides, both of our beloved men will be sleeping in the dirt these next few nights, so James will be happy with any bedroom in the house after that.”

“I am certain there is no suite unsuitable,” Lydia said with a nod to Ellen, who thanked her again for her kind words. “Abigail, before I forget, thank you for taking me on a lovely ride today. It was a delight to enjoy a side of this homestead that few get to experience, and I am obliged that you shared it with me.”

“You are most welcome, my friend. And if I may, you were quite the partner out there. I normally do not have to work so hard to keep up!”

“The credit is all to the steed, not to me. But it was a delightful way to spend the morning. Ladies, if you don’t mind,” Lydia stood up from her seat, “I would enjoy a walk about the gardens for some time with my thoughts.”

“Of course, Lydia,” said Ellen. “You know the way, and you will know where to find us. Do enjoy!” Lydia walked away, and Ellen and Abigail remained quiet until they could no longer see their guest. “Oh, I am so happy for William,” Ellen broke the moment of silence. “You know, I was worried she was a rather shy girl, but seeing her like this, I find it impossible that she could not warm up any home she is in. How wonderful that our William will marry such a lovely woman. Don’t you agree, Abigail?”

“Of course, Mother,” Abigail lied. “I am so happy for William indeed.” Abigail outwardly agreed with her mother, but she could not help but question the sudden burst of happiness from Lydia whom she was still suspicious of. She did consider that perhaps she had been too judgmental, and that her mother’s assessment of Lydia’s character may have been more accurate than her own. But this change, this bright tone and jovial strut about the place, was on a level beyond the politeness she had shown to anyone up to that point. Abigail now wondered who Lydia wrote to, or what was in the letter to inspire such joy.

Abigail excused herself to go inside and rest for a while. Though, this was another lie to her mother. She went in the house, up the stairs, and stopped just outside of Lydia’s guest suite. She felt a pit in her stomach, and knew it would be quite a scandal if she were caught, but she could not resist. She needed to know what letter Lydia was writing that could have sparked such a happy shift in her attitude.

As Abigail entered the room, she stopped herself for a moment to think. They did spend a day together which was mostly fun, and she wanted to give Lydia the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she was simply starting to grow comfortable around them. Maybe her mother was right. She debated whether she should turn around, shut the door, and forget this happened. But the pit in her stomach, which started as guilt, had shifted to something else. Abigail began to question this feeling, whether it was guilt persisting or a sign that there was something she needed to discover. She truly tried to turn away, but that uneasy feeling told her to press on.

She walked over to the window and looked outside. In the distance, she saw Lydia twirling around the garden, so Abigail knew that she would have plenty of time uninterrupted. Still, she wanted to be in and out as quickly as she could. The writing desk was just beside the window, so she did not have to look far. On the table was a letter, sealed and pressed with red wax by a stamp that read “LA,” for Lydia Asher.

It was addressed to an inn, the name of which Abigail recognized to be near to the Asher residence. This felt most unusual, as Abigail could not guess what sort of joyful letter that Lydia would send to an inn. Below the name of the inn, the letter was noted to be under the care of someone named Benjamin. Abigail was confused when she read the name of the inn, but the sight of a man’s name fully seized any self-control she had left. At once, she found a letter opener on the desk to rip the seal of the letter.

In an instant, Abigail winced at herself with shame. She knew this was wrong, she was invading the privacy of a guest in her home. She dropped the letter down and walked towards the door to leave. Standing in the doorway, she stopped and turned around. She realized that if she left now, all she was doing was leaving a horrible situation behind for Lydia to return to: The letter was unsealed, and Lydia would suspect that someone read her words, regardless of the truth that Abigail left it be. She closed the door behind her and walked back to the window, looking out to make sure Lydia was still in the gardens. Spotting Lydia, Abigail looked back to the desk to assess the predicament she had created for herself.

Abigail committed to memory exactly where the candle, wax, and stamp were placed. She looked over the desk three times, pointing to everything in sight and repeating out loud where it was situated. She used the letter opener to carefully cut off the remaining wax seal that was already set to the letter, scraping quickly yet delicately so there was no residue. She left that scraped wax on the corner of the desk.

She then lit the candle and was about to melt fresh wax onto it, but she stopped herself and blew out the candle. She decided that she had come this far, and the letter was already open… So Abigail opened the letter and began to read before she could question herself any further.

Lydia’s letter began quite plainly, sharing some pleasantries of her travels, real complements of the homestead, and even a mention of the day spent horseback riding. Abigail was relieved, if only for a moment. Then, Lydia confessed her relief that William was gone hunting, allowing her some privacy and separation from him.

The next lines of the letter affirmed that she cared little for William, calling their engagement “colder than ice.” Abigail was saddened to read this, though not surprised in the least. It was almost a relief to her to have some truth from Lydia’s perspective. She had already surmised that William was only marrying Lydia for her family, so it only made sense that they shared no love from that connection.

The letter continued, and Abigail gasped when Lydia’s words took a deeply romantic and sensual turn. Not only was Lydia confessing affections for whoever this Benjamin was, but she detailed the physical intimacy that she could not wait to return to. Abigail dropped the letter and shook her head, hoping to forget the last words she read. She was stunned at this revelation.

Abigail considered picking up the letter again to finish the details, but decided she had read enough, and the details did not matter. She was upset enough to know William was committing into a loveless marriage, now she had to learn that he was being dishonored in this way. Any friendly affection that Abigail may have started to have towards Lydia had vanished in the moment.

She looked out the window again, but Abigail could not spot Lydia. Just then, Abigail heard footsteps creaking up the stairs near the door. In a panic, Abigail relit the candle and quickly held the wax over the flame. Though hurriedly acting, Abigail was careful not to make a mess as the footsteps grew louder and closer. She dripped the wax over the letter, just where Lydia had before, and reached for the stamp of her initials. She lined it up as close as she could remember the one before, and then pressed firmly down. She gently blew on the melted wax to help it dry, until she heard footsteps almost outside of the bedroom door. She shuffled to put everything on the desk back how she remembered it, repeating the location of each item as she annunciated before.

After she scurried to the door, she realized that she could not simply walk out into the hallway, as she had no business in the guest room with the door closed. While she contemplated what decision to make, she heard the voice of her mother calling for her. This was a relief, since at least the footsteps were not Lydia’s. Still, not knowing what to do, Abigail hid behind the door and hoped she would hear her mother walk away, so she might have a clear chance to leave the room. Much to her surprise, her mother opened the door to the guest room and walked in.

Ellen must have seen some smoke from the candle, for she walked straight to the writing desk while Abigail clung behind the door. Without thinking, Abigail saw an opportunity to escape. She hopped around the door, backed out of the room, and leapt out into the hallway with her skirt lifted so she could try to run a few feet away. Somehow, she executed this almost perfectly

Ellen heard a noise behind her, so she turned around and looked, but saw nothing. She turned back to assess the desk, and though she could smell smoke, she did not see any. She also found a pile of peeled wax on the corner of the desk, which she could not have guessed Abigail left behind. Ellen collected the wax in her hands and planned to toss it with the rubbish.

Ellen walked to the hallway and saw her daughter standing there, slightly winded. Confused, she asked where Abigail had been. Abigail replied that her mother must have walked right past her. Ellen turned back to the candle, and considered the wax in her hand. She turned back to her daughter, who had clearly not gone to her room to rest.

She considered everything before her, but decided that it was not worth further investigation, whatever it might have been. Abigail thought herself quite sneaky in her escape from the guest room, but perhaps she did not consider how lucky she was that her mother decided to turn a blind eye to the evidence clearly before her. Both mother and daughter would keep this moment a secret.

The next several days passed by with a bit of hostility between Abigail and Lydia. Initially, Lydia was confused, as she herself felt warmer towards Abigail than she had since their initial meeting. In truth, Lydia actually felt rather jealous of Abigail: Here was a woman who knew her betrothed better than she herself might ever know William. Abigail had found happiness in a relationship that she could be public about, at that. She was a woman who William was ready to fight to defend, which she struggled to ever forget. So, when Lydia felt Abigail’s angst against her, she had no hesitation to return the feeling, even though she did not know the motivation for Abigail’s altered attitude. Though, if Lydia did know the motivation for Abigail’s contempt, she may have attempted to sweeten her opinion rather than mirror the sour attitude.