Live to Serve

Have you ever heard a word or phrase that you start saying as a joke, and it quickly becomes part of your vocabulary? They are usually new or trendy, probably popular online, and we start to say them ironically. I noticed it with myself and the term “low key,” which started out as sarcastic, but I low key say it all the time now. I noticed it with a friend of mine who started to say “mid” in a teasing voice because his girlfriend said it all the time. Well, they have since broken up (Sad), and yet he called something “mid” the other day, completely serious. I notice it with slang that started in memes and crept into our culture over the last five years or so, even though I’m sure this pattern has been around for many years before that.

Recently, this happened to me with a phrase that was not very new or popular, but one that you have probably heard at some point in your life. It started at work, on a day that I must have been particularly annoyed that I was asked to do something related to my job – you know, the very reason they pay me to be there. Anyway, my reaction in the moment was to say, “I live to serve.” This sarcastic jab got a laugh, so here and there I started to pepper it in, because I am a fiend for a laugh, to the point of killing a joke.

Well, it did not take long for the joke to die, but not because it got old. Well, it probably did get old, but that is not the point. The joke died because, on some level, I actually started to mean it. Whether in work or in personal interactions, when people thank me for something, I catch myself saying “I live to serve” instead of “you’re welcome.” The sarcasm, I think, has faded away, because I usually can keep a smile on my face while I say it.

For reasons outside of the phrase itself, it has started to mean more to me than the laugh. Sometimes it gets the laugh still, but the people who hear me say it incessantly seem to have stopped reacting altogether. I cannot tell whether that’s because it is so normalized to them now, or because they are sick of it. I do not think I want the answer to that question.

There is another question that has been asked before, countless times by countless people. Some of them claim to have found the answer, while others continue their search as years become decades. Over time, the answer they find may change once or twice. Some even believe that the answer to the question is that there is no answer, which only makes sense when you hear the question. What is the meaning of life?

Being alive is one of the few things that everyone in the world has in common. So therefore, we all experience life. Despite a few universal human experiences that almost anyone can relate to, no two lives are the same. Whether you and your sibling had the same starting point, or you and your best friend now live in a similar style, no two journeys are the same.

That can make it feel impossible to define the meaning of life. How could there be one meaning to life when there are so many different lives being lived? If you asked a hundred people to define the meaning of life, you might get a hundred different answers. Maybe more, if a few of them are indecisive.

In my humble opinion, the closest way for there to be one “true” meaning to life is for it to be simple. I do not only mean living a simple life, although that can be its own ticket to happiness when done properly. Instead, I am saying that the meaning of life cannot be so detailed that it only pertains to one person, or even group of people. It has to be something that is specific enough to push you in the right direction, while being broad enough for you to make it your own. After all, one of the beautiful gifts we have in life is the free will to make it our own, for better or worse.

Whatever that meaning of life may be, it seems that, historically, every few decades go by and we collectively lose our meaning. We might not lose it altogether, but we let it go missing for a minute. Cultures change and times get tough, and we have to put so much effort into getting through it that we miss chances to sit down and contemplate what it all means. Or better yet, we miss our chances to sit down and turn our brains off, which is when I think the real breakthroughs happen. It seems like we have been living in one of those tough times for a while now, and despite a lot of good people trying their best, there is an overwhelming anxiety in society that makes it hard to see past tomorrow.

Well, when tomorrow comes, time will keep on turning. The sun will continue to rise and fall until all of this is over. Until that moment comes, this curiosity of the meaning of life will persist, even if our focus is on survival. Maybe you are reading this and you already know your meaning of life, and that makes me happy for you. Maybe you are reading this, and you have no idea what the meaning of life is, and that stresses you out too. Selfishly, that also makes me happy, because maybe I could be so lucky to help you find it.

Before you read further, please allow me to clarify that I am not a philosopher, prophet, wise man, or teacher. I don’t make the rules. I am merely one bald idiot who has a keyboard. However, if you made it this far, you should keep reading. Maybe I am right, you will like what you read, and you will walk away feeling better than you did before. Maybe I am wrong, and you will disagree with every word I say. Here’s a secret: That is also a win, because now you are more convicted in your own views, because of the fact that you have reasons to disagree with me. Disagreement is good. Debate is good. You should not only interact with what you already agree with. If you do that, you will never learn anything new.

Disagreements aside, maybe we can all agree that, on some level, our modern society has created a general anxiety that is hard to ignore or overcome. Maybe a way we can overcome the anxiety we are living in, a way we can answer that big overwhelming question about life, is by turning it inside out. Instead of searching for the meaning of life, we can instead find ways to give our life meaning. We can live to serve.

For starters, service does mean that we should help others. You know how it feels to need help sometimes, and you probably know the relief when someone steps in to give you a hand. I think one of the most beautiful things about people is that, intrinsically, we want to help others. We want to help people get back up. We look at a crisis in the world and we want to do something about it. We even want to help animals, sometimes more than we want to help people. Even if we do not know them, we want to help others.

In the simplest form, helping others can be small and in the moment. Ask people how they are, but instead of asking them to be polite with your greeting, really listen if you can tell they need it. Sometimes even a few seconds of venting can help someone lift the weight off of their chest. Instead of metaphorically lifting a weight off of them, you can offer a hand if they are carrying something awkward or clunky. More hands make less work. If they have a ten-minute problem, tell them about it and help them if you can. Make a habit of doing good things for people, no matter how small of a service it might seem, and I promise you will find yourself happier for it.

Let us pause for a moment in case you do not know what a ten-minute problem is. A ten-minute problem is something that a person can solve in ten minutes or less. Did you watch them spill food on their shirt? Then the stain probably has not set in yet, they can still clean it. Is there something in their teeth? All they need is a mirror, you should tell them. But what if you see a stain that has set for too long to clean in the moment? What if someone’s shirt doesn’t fit them very well, and you know they cannot change clothes right now? What do you gain from pointing out these unsolvable problems? If it would take longer than ten minutes to fix it, serve them by politely ignoring it if it otherwise might embarrass them with no solution.

One more thing, before I go back to the main point: Do not forget to help yourself. If you live a wholly selfless life, you might see yourself become quickly exhausted from it all. Remember that you cannot help every problem in the world, and if you break down, you are not going to help anyone. So remember that you matter too.

If you have a good habit of being helpful in the moment, build from there. How many organizations in your area need volunteers? Food banks need people to organize the donated goods for people in need. Kitchens and shelters need people to help cook and give service to people in need. Nursing homes or retirement communities are full of lonely people; imagine their joy from one game or conversation with someone who cares.

If you volunteer as a yearly event, or once in a while with a group, that is great. How many of us volunteer on an ongoing, shift-filling basis? The need for volunteers is a lot more than annually. I am not saying it is easy. We all have busy schedules and a lot of commitments, but maybe carving out a few hours a week to do good will change how you prioritize your time. A few episodes of your show that can wait. A few hours of scrolling on your phone (Which I have probably done too much of today) can wait too.

Realistically, though, not everyone can volunteer their time regularly. Families need time and attention, some priorities cannot wait, and there is absolutely a need for social time and rest. That is part of serving yourself.

So if you cannot volunteer, each of those organizations who need volunteers also need to fund what they do. I am in no place to harp on how you spend your money. But consider the cost of one expensive dinner every month. How many meals that money could buy for someone truly facing hunger? Think of that new pair of shoes that you really want. Then, think of someone who has to walk around with tattered shoes, if they have shoes at all.

Again, times are tough, and in this economy not everyone can afford to donate consistently. If you make an effort to give what you can, when you can, it can go farther than you might think. If you cannot give money, you probably have something in your closet that you never wear, but someone else could. So do yourself a favor by clearing that clutter, and serve someone else by clothing them.

Helping others is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. That almost makes it sound selfish to do good things, but it is true. If you have felt the satisfaction from making someone else’s circumstances better – in big ways or small – you know I am right. But if you truly live to serve, that is not the end of it. After all, it would not really be living to serve if it was only one part of your life.

We live in a world where people need things that cost money. In order to earn money, the vast majority of us need to get a job. Some of us are lucky enough to call it a career. Others are even luckier to call it a passion. But the luckiest among us have a job or career with a “why,” and their work serves others.

Here is something I have noticed, though, that kind of breaks that little good, better, best structure of jobs: Your perspective has the power to change your job’s value. Your perspective has the power to change your “why.” Do you view your job as a service to others?

Sometimes the word “service” may be part of the job title. The first that comes to mind is a server in a restaurant, or customer service teams at most companies. Whether or not we have a job title that implies service, how many of us view ourselves as servants? And even if we view ourselves that way, how many of us really let that perspective affect how we work?

It starts with the effort you put in, based on the belief that your work matters. Like, it really matters, and you see yourself as a difference maker in people’s lives. The greater effort you put into doing your job to the best of your ability will help someone else. At the very least, if you don’t do your job, someone else’s day will be worse. It reminds me of a quote from one of my company’s founders: “What is worth doing, is worth doing well.” It also reminds me of a quote originally stated by Theodore Roosevelt, which was then paraphrased by Leslie Knope in the show Parks and Recreation (Great show, if you haven’t seen it): “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

Beyond the effort that you put into your job, think about the gifts that you have. Sometimes it is hard to remember, but all of us are born with different skills and talents that not everyone has. For some it is great physical strength, while others can play beautiful music. Some people have an easier time staying focused and organized, while others have a messy desk filled with creative genius. You know what your talents are. So think to yourself, are you using them?

Not every job in the world gives the opportunity to use every talent in the world, but more often than not, there is some way to implement your talents. Have you found a way to use your gifts in the work you do? Maybe you can change the way a certain task is done, because you can do it better in your own way. Maybe you can propose something new at your job, that you would otherwise never do, because you know you can do it really well. Think about your job, and think about your gifts in life, and see if there is a way to serve others by using your gifts in whatever you do.

I will say it again: Not every job will give you an opportunity to use all of your talents, so do not be hard on yourself if that is the case. Your job should not be the most important part of your life, so put that thought on the back burner for now. How do you use your gifts in your everyday life, outside of work?

If you are an athlete, do you play in any rec leagues with others? If you are a painter, do you paint portraits for people to decorate their walls? If you are handy with tools, what sort of projects do you do around your house, or someone else’s? If you are a musician, does anyone else hear your songs?

I feel the need to repeat myself, because it is important: I am not trying to make the point of doing every possible thing all the time. Especially with a hobby that is supposed to be fun. You would stress yourself out, take on too much pressure, need to stop everything, and that defeats the point of all of this. You cannot serve others if you do not serve yourself first; self-care matters.

The point I am trying to make, though, is to not bury your talents. You were given some beautiful gifts in this world, and you would be doing the world a disservice by keeping them all to yourself. Even if the end result is nothing more than a smile, sometimes a smile is everything.

Stop for a moment, and please contemplate everything we have talked about so far: Helping others in the moment, committing some of your time or valuables to people in need, having a strong work ethic knowing that your job matters, and sharing your talents with your world around you. Think about all of that, and then think about how you spend your time now. If you look at how you are spending your days, do you think you are living to serve? If you look at what you do with your life, do you have a heartfelt reason why you spend your time the way that you do? Are you using your talents? Are you even able to use your talents in your current circumstances?

If the answers to those questions were no, then it’s time to go. Though there is value in sacrifice, not every detail of your life should be a hardship. You should want to be in your place in the world. Let me say that again, because it is important: You should want to be in your place in the world. No one can do their best work, provide their best service, if they do not want to be there. It will not be perfect, and it should never be easy, but you owe it to yourself and to the world to go find it.

If you are not living in the place you are meant to live, move. If you thoroughly believe your job does not matter, quit. Because someone else will view your job as a dream come true. If you have a dream that keeps you up at night, chase it. If you cannot drop everything and chase it, then take baby steps (Maybe go read Start Small, and Be Bad At It for more on that). Change is scary, but your place in the world is waiting for you. It needs you. Take the leap.

I have just spent a lot of time and effort telling you how to live your life, pointing fingers at common shortcomings, and speaking from a place of authority even though I told you I am not a philosopher, prophet, wise man, or teacher. All about a topic so important as the meaning of life. So I find myself obligated to take accountability of what “living to serve” has meant to me over the last few years of my life. Have I lived a life of service?

If you ask people who know me, they will probably tell you that I am a good person. I try to be helpful, I want to make people smile, and doing the right thing is important to me. I am a funny person (I pinky promise), I like to socialize, and I care for others. I could write a lot more about myself, but in a most basic sense of my nature, that about sums it up. Now, if you looked at a lot of my life choices, how I have spent my time, and the things I have prioritized, and then you read everything I wrote here today, you would come to one very accurate conclusion: I am a fucking hypocrite.

When it came to helping others, I did a decent job in my day to day. I helped others when the opportunity presented itself, or I was directly asked. But I was not always ready to offer help unprovoked. I never really went out of my way to see what else I could do. And when I look back on the times I helped the closest people in my life, I have a hard time patting myself on the back for helping friends and family, who you should have a natural inclination to help.

Before late last year, I could not tell you the last time I rolled up my sleeves and did volunteer work. Instead, I walked past folks facing homelessness every day on my way to my comfy corporate career. Some people I saw so often that I began to recognize their face, though I never did anything to make a difference in the bigger problem. The closest I came to making a difference was being grateful for my circumstances, while doing nothing to help against homelessness. Selfish.

And what about the part I wrote earlier: If you cannot volunteer, maybe you can donate. I donated close to nothing. I saved and I saved for a rainy day, while I knew others suffered through storms. I could have helped and I gave nothing.

I was given the gift of a creative mind, but for years I buried my talents. Hopefully in reading this, you can see that writing is both a skill and a passion of mine. Or, if you are suffering through each sentence, you must think that my writing ability needs more practice.

For years, I spent my time imagining the things I could write without sitting down to spell a single word of it. Though I cannot say those years of my life were wasted, it aches me to imagine what I might have done with discipline and a time commitment. Instead, I buried my talents. I hid my gift from the world, when maybe one thing I wrote could have brightened one person’s day. I did not live to serve.

I am not writing all of this for the sheer purpose of degrading myself – although, I do believe it is a good practice to keep oneself in check and stay humble, as long as you are realistic about it and can still love yourself. Instead, I am writing this to level the playing field and admit that I am far from perfect. But I am trying my hardest to be better.

Right now, I do not think it is important to go through the details of how I am trying, or what changes I have made, but what I can say is how much better it feels to try. Even if you fall short, especially when you fall short, you will feel better because you tried. God willing, we just might succeed in the end.

None of us will ever be perfect, and if we do not take care of ourselves first, we cannot truly help anyone else. But if we do what we do with others in mind, whether we know them or not, we may find that the meaning of life was always to serve a purpose for others. And as you can see, “serving others” can mean a lot of different things. I bet that right now, you can think of ways to serve others that I did not even come close to mentioning. When you find the satisfaction from all of that, and put forth the deserved effort, it is amazing just how self-serving it can be to serve others.