Puzzle Pieces

I have not completed a puzzle in many years. There is a chance that the last time I did, I was a small child putting together an age-appropriate puzzle, with maybe ten pieces that were easy to figure out. I have tried here and there, but quickly gave up the effort either out of frustration or boredom. But when people commit the time to do a puzzle, maybe with some music and a glass of wine, and slowly see the scene come together because they had the patience to see it through: It is a beautiful thing. There is a lesson to be learned there about taking the time to finish a puzzle, to finish any project. However, a puzzle can teach us more lessons than patience and perseverance.

A puzzle is a collection of many small, uniquely shaped pieces that are meant to be shuffled up and then assembled together. Each piece only fits one location in the puzzle, both by the shape and the design printed onto it. When one takes the time to go piece by piece, finding every perfect fit, they see each of them unite into one, complete picture. Many puzzles feature original artwork, well-known imagery, or even our own photographs made into a one-of-a-kind experience. There are also puzzles that are surprises, where you do not know what the picture will be until every last piece is together. Puzzles are pretty cool.

The finished puzzle is a lovely thing, but what about each piece as it stands alone? Is each piece beautiful? Honestly, no. More often than not, each lone puzzle piece is probably rather unappealing: A confusing pattern of random coloring. It can be hard to discern any meaningful characteristic until you have some other pieces fit around it. Some may be outright ugly until they are in their right place.

But we have faith that even the ugly puzzle pieces, when put together with the whole picture, are going to play a vital role in the puzzle’s beauty. One piece out of place and the whole thing looks wrong. Yes, even the bad puzzle pieces make the whole puzzle good. You may have some idea where I am going with this.

Many metaphors can be used to describe life. For unique reasons, many of these metaphors are extremely accurate in their own way. To name one, life is like a box of chocolates – thanks Forrest. Well, life is also like a puzzle, and this is important to remember in our darkest moments. If you are anything like me, the mere mention of “darkest moments” may have made one or more glaring memories rush into your mind.

There are busy, stressful times in life, with so much to do and so little time to do it, let alone finding time for ourselves. The stress can change who we are, and it can change the relationships with those around us. Then there are health problems, leaving us hospitalized or limited in how life can be lived. Some of us have been near death, some of us had to adjust to a new normal. We face the grief of losing someone else to their own illness, so suddenly that we were never ready to say goodbye.

Life moves us across the map, or across the globe, and we need to find our way in a new place with new people. We try to do this with a smile, even when we are missing the people we used to see every day. We fall in love, and sometimes our hearts break. The one who we were certain would be our partner for every high and low of life becomes a partner of the past. Whether it was our choice or theirs, for the best or for the worst, we grieve for someone who still walks. Whatever it may have been, we have all seen hardships. We have all had dark times.

Dark times have happened, and it is unfortunately true that they will happen again. But if you are reading this, you made it through every dark moment that you have been through. You should be proud of yourself. The world is a better place because you are part of it.

Those dark moments are the ugly puzzle pieces. We look at that period of time, and we do not like it. It makes us feel anger, it makes us feel lament, and it was a time of pain and pressure we would rather not relive. But when that time is over, we put that puzzle piece down, and we move onto the next. And we place more pieces around. Soon, you can take a step or two back and look at the puzzle you built. It is beautiful. The ugly pieces are still there, but all you can see is how they all came together. Without the ugly pieces, without the dark moments, it would not be that beautiful picture in the end.

It is easy to say something like that in good times. It is easy to see the whole picture as beautiful and happy when you’re at a high point in life. But when we are going through our battles, it can be hard to remember anything other than the hardship. If only we could see the picture at the end. If only we could take a step back and look at where our life would go, and know that for one reason or another we needed the dark time to get to a better time. We needed the ugly puzzle piece. Everything happens for a reason.

The lesson here is not to ignore our pain, or pretend it is a good thing to go through. Feel your pain, embrace the sad times, and know that it is okay to be broken. When you do this, and you treat yourself with love, you can heal stronger than you were before you broke down. Find what brings you joy and stick to it as much as possible. Lean on the people in your life and let them know you love them. Do good things for others, and feel the warmth of generosity. Be patient as you give yourself time, even when you think you should be making more progress than you are. Remember that healing is not a straight line, but a path with many ups and downs. The lesson here is not to pretend our pain is good, but to remember that the pain is not permanent. The pain can be overcome. The pain is only one piece of the puzzle.

Those dark times that you thought of earlier, how are they now? Are they still happening? Are they getting easier? Are you on the other side of the sadness? Are you experiencing that good times do return?

You may still be in the middle of grief right now, fighting through the hardest part. Heck, you may still live with painful memories of wounds long-healed, and that is okay too. You can still miss someone, or still miss a time in your life, while still being in a better place than rock bottom. But odds are, you have made it through more than one dark time in your life, and you are better than you were before. Whether you embrace it or not, you are living proof that everything happens for a reason, and that healing happens. Or, that hardships can serve a greater purpose.

Sometimes the bright side of the dark times has nothing to do with where we end up: Instead, it is how we pass it on. When we see people around us struggling through the same darkness that we fought through, we have the empathy to be there for them. No, you do not need to experience pain to be empathetic to pain, but support groups exist for a reason. People like to be comforted by those who know what they are going through.

We can help others heal from the same pain we have felt. We know how they feel, and we know what they need. We know it whether we had what we needed, or we deeply felt what was missing. We can either emulate the person who saved us, or we can become the person we wish we had. We can become the light at the end of someone else’s tunnel. And I think that is a beautiful gift: To help someone who walks along the same dark path that we did. It is a gift to both the recipient and the supporter. Whether we had a friend at our side, or were forced to feel alone, we can make sure they never walk alone.

It would be unfair and inaccurate to pretend that every bad moment in life, every ugly puzzle piece, leads to something decidedly better. Some tragedies are permanent, and for reasons we may not be able to understand, some darkness never returns to light the way we want it to. You may read that and believe this to be a defeating point to end on, but I disagree. This makes it even more important to step back and see the whole picture, whether the puzzle is complete or not, and to be grateful for it.

We may lose people we love: So we should be grateful for the time we had with them. Our health may change, and we may not be able to do the things we once could: So we should be grateful for the time we could do them, and be grateful for the things we still can do. Some of the best moments in our life may be behind us: So we should be grateful that we lived them at all. Gratitude cannot change our circumstances, but neither will anger. We might as well try positivity, try gratitude, when we are ready. Perspective changes everything that we see.

And on the topic of gratitude, do not forget to be grateful when you are in the good moments either. Gratitude is not merely a weapon against negativity, but too often we take the good things for granted when they are right around us. Appreciate every moment you are currently in, appreciate every person currently in your life, and make time to express that appreciation to those who need to hear it – that includes yourself. You should not save gratitude for a rainy day. Be generously grateful.

Remember, the whole puzzle of your life is a good, beautiful picture, even when it feels like it is not. Remember it when you are in the middle of a time in your life that is not so good, not so beautiful. Because once that part of your life is past you, and that ugly puzzle piece is secured into place, you will move onto the next one. And the next one. And before long, the whole picture will start to make a lot more sense. You may even find yourself grateful for the dark times, grateful for the ugly puzzle pieces, once you see how they all fit together. Trust the puzzle.